Soverywrongs top ten rules for your stag do.

1. If you're the best man, remember that what used to be called a stag night is now an entire weekend, you have to pace yourself, if you smash the groom to bits too hard on the first night then chances are he won’t want to play the next day, increase punishment levels over the trip, culminating in one almighty beasting on the final night. He can sleep all he wants on the plane home.

2. If you must decline the invite to the stag do, cite illness in the family. Do not say, "I'm spending £70 on the present, £150 on a B&B for the wedding - and now you expect me to fork out £500 for a weekend in Prague with a bunch of men I don't know?" This can cause offence you rude tight fisted w**ker.

3. Do not do anything that will be permanently disfiguring to the groom. Selective shaving is okay (as long as the wedding is a way off); tattooing his ex-girlfriend's name on his inner thigh is not. Although highly amusing at the time permanent marker glasses and handle bar moustache tends to ruin the wedding photos.

4. Handbags and glad rags. Everyone dresses up as women, me are used to it and if they are honest get a strange buzz from dressing up in a dress. Be original, you need to choose the stags wardrobe with care, he has to hate it and loathe what you have dressed him in. Summer beach trips, put him in full ski gear, Ski holiday make him ski in a bikini. The more original and outrageous the better.

5. Get the father of the bride out of the game ASAP. The last thing you need is your sherry sipping, church going former member of the Met Police force watching your every move, you have a life time of his judging and reminding you that your not good enough for his little princess, suggest an afternoon strip club and lots of shots, that way you have photo evidence as back up and he is out of the game for the night time shenanigans.

6. Do not confide in any of your fellow stags that, actually, to your great surprise, you are rather enjoying wearing a tutu and fake breasts and that you wished you had been born a woman. This may take the spotlite off the stag and earn you some severe p*ss taking and shots to down.

7.Remember, 3am after ten pints and several flaming sambucas is not the time to confess to the groom that you think his bride-to-be is a bit of a slapper and that you shagged her when the groom and bride to be were ‘on a break’.

8. Don't sleep with the stripper. Especially if you're the groom. If your weak and have no self control, triple bagging is essential!

9. What goes around comes around. If you’re the best man and already married, happy days, ruin your best mate, torture him, have no mercy. If, however, you aren’t and have an pending trip down the isle, beware, stag do’s get worse, they don’t get easier the just get worse, your best mates revenge will be so sweet.

10. Research. Do your homework on the venue, find out where your staying, who they mainly cater for, tolerance of locals and authorities for stag shenanigans, average prices for your parties needs (beer, lap dances, club entry, food. Etc) as not everyone is on the same budget as you.