Difference between guts and balls

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."

Two old guys suffering from Alzheimer's are sitting on a bench when an ice-cream van comes down the street.

"Do you want one?" asks the first guy.

"Yes, I'll have a cone, but write it down or otherwise you'll forget"says the second.

"No I won't" says the first.

"Look, I want a cone with a flake, and I know you'll forget, so write it down" says the second.

"I won't forget" says the first guy, getting slightly irritated.

"OK then, look - I want a cone, a flake and strawberry sauce. Now write it down or you WILL forget" says the second.

The first guy is getting quite miffed now and still argues that he won't forget.

The second guy says irritably "I want a cone, a flake, strawberry sauce and hundreds and thousands little chocolate bits sprinkled all over. You won't remember all that so WRITE IT DOWN!"

The first guy, now really annoyed, walks off and five minutes later comes back with a meat pie.

The second guy looks at him and says "Where's my f***ing chips?"