Five Keys To A Great Relationship

1. Its important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks, cleans & has a job.

2. Its important to have a woman who can make you laugh.

3. Its important to have a woman who you can trust & doesn't lie.

4. Its important to have a woman who is good in bed & likes being with you.

5. Its very, very important that these four bitches don't know each other.

YORKSHIRE RIPPER 5 GIRLS IN 6 YRS

THE NEW FELLA 5 GIRLS IN 6 WEEKS

THUS PROVING

WAIT FOR IT

YOU CAN`T GET QUICKER THAN AN IPSWICH RIPPER

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finished all three, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender says to him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; It would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we all drank together."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way: he orders three pints and drinks the three pints by taking drinks from each of them in turn.

One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."

The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a lights dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he says, "Everyone is fine. It's me..."

"...I've quit drinking!"

A married man left work early one Friday afternoon. Instead of going home, he spent the weekend (and his money) partying with the boys.

When he finally returned home on Sunday night, his wife really got on his case and stayed on it.

After a couple of hours of swearing and screaming, his wife paused and pointed at him and made him an offer "How would you like it if you didn't see me for a couple of days?!?"

The husband couldn't believe his luck, so he looked up, smiled and said, "That would suit me just fine!!"

Monday went by, and the man didn't see his wife.

Tuesday and Wednesday went by and he still didn't see her.

Come Thursday, the swelling went down a bit and he could see her a little, out of the corner of his left eye.

A negro walked into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder, and the barman said "Where'd you get that?' - and the parrot said 'Africa - there's fucking thousands of 'em!'