Ok so you have pulled off the best stag do ever and everyone who attended thinks your a legend. Until now!

You were the joy of the mother in law for getting her son in-law to the church on time and not hammered, for not losing the rings, that's old news.

That's all over, everyone in that room is waiting for the chink of the glass and the announcement that the best man is about to give his speech.

Forget the Grooms speech and the father of the bride, no one cares they just have to talk about un dying love in the case of the groom and childhood memories of his princess in the case of the father of the bride.

You my friend have to do many many things in your speech and everyone is waiting, everyone has been waiting, you will and should be nervous, its your turn now daddio!

The best man's speech is all about a good balance - everyone wants to be funny and have the croud wetting their pants and falling off their seats whilst gasping for air but that's rarely the case and many often go to far and can end up giving a speech that is offensive and cliched. We have all been witness to one of those.

Use one liners but be careful, stay clear of unguarded comments about any afflictions suffered by any guests or family members. It may seem an easy laugh but avoid references to the church organ playing being that bad due to being blind, deaf and one handed when granny is sat at the end of the table blind, deaf one armed and smelling of wee. Your mates will fall off their chairs laughing but only out of pity and embarrasment for you!

That said the speech you have on paper in front of you doesn't have to be etched in granite, mix it up a bit with events from the big day, or give a bit back to hecklers.

As nervous as you are do not get hammered before your speech, the mixture of nerves and Vodka and tonic will send you running for the mens room the minute you stand up, its not big, clever and no one wants to hear a piss head deliver a speech, slurring and drooling allow over his mates new wife.

When your hammered you think you are far funnier that you actually are and have no sense of when to shut up, toast the B&G and sit down and wait for the ground to swallow you up.

Do not forget that your audience isn't just your meat head friends, its wide and varied and has many age groups, replace swear words with witty ones, remember amuse don't offend, the bridesmaids will want to shag a witty, charming and funny best man, not a rude, obscene pissed idiot. The trick is to be risque not direct.

The last thing you need is little johhny asking granny what a blow job is and where can he find one of those suckers.

Everyone has to understand or at least understand a good part of the speech or they just feel left out and get upset, cater for everyone and you will do well. You don't want to have to explain the story or gags to everyone else as by then you have lost the audience they don't care anymore.

You need to find the perfect balance, some of the best ever speeches have been faily short in length, props used well can be very good, ill prepared and used badly will result in disaster.

Flatter the lady in white, its her day, for god sake don't insult or upset your mates new wife, it will end in tears, yours! As well as the bride don't upset the olds and bolds and immediate family.

You will never please everyone and try to make everyone laugh, its never going to happen. 

You have to prepare your speech well and research it, its all in the preperation and research. A good speech takes lots of preperation, research and rehersal time, run it past a few people first, if they say its shit, then its shit. If your going to use aids and props or other people, test them and make sure they work. 

Do not leave it to the morning of the wedding and try and write it on the back of a packet of Benson & Hedges whilst on the way to the church, it doesn't bode well for you my friends, i know.